Uprooted - Nonfiction

Uprooted

I

When Lavender and I met there was nothing really spectacular about it. I had a crush on her best friend, Tyra, and through that became best friends with Tyra. The only thing I remember about Lavender from the first school year I knew her was that I complimented her shirt that had a quote from American Horror Story on it, a show I don’t pretend to like anymore.

About a year and a half later, a few months after my feelings for Tyra had gone out like a match in a rainstorm and only one month after Tyra had begun processing (with a strong contribution from me that she today refuses to recognize) the worst breakup of her life. It was August of 2016 when Tyra randomly sent Lavender and I both a text that said, Wanna leave for Portland in like, 15 minutes?

I had been seeing less and less of them considering the fact that they were a year behind me and I went into high school the year before, so I jumped at the opportunity to see them again.

Hell yeah! But I have to ask my mom first.

Well, my mom said yes so it was on.

I don’t honestly remember a whole lot of my interactions with Lavender on that trip due to the cloud of sadness that Tyra insisted on carrying everywhere. But even though I don’t remember it that well, it drew the three of us together under the new gang name “The Hoes”.

When I really remember Lavender and I clicking is the summer afterward. We went on a series of river trips with Tyra and her new boyfriend, Baz.

At some point during one of these trips, I was floating with Baz and talking, Lavender and Tyra far on shore, and he asked me, “Dude, through all these years… what’s stopped you from dating one of them?” This remark initially struck me as insanely douchey (still does) but I thought about it anyway.

First, Tyra. This was obvious to me. Even though I used to like her, she had been dating one of my closest friends and when they broke up I’d already moved on and we were too close as friends by that point anyway.

But Lavender… I did like her but so did my closest friend Chad, and even though we’d agreed to let the best man win, I didn’t wanna risk that relationship.

“I don’t know.” A blatant lie on my part. “I guess I just never went for it.”

“Do you like either of them?” He asked. This felt like a trap, like he was trying to get me to admit feelings for Tyra so he could blackmail me for some reason. Even though I didn’t trust him, I bit.

“I actually have developed quite a thing for Lavender.”

“Why not go for it?”

“I don’t know. I feel like we’re just finally getting close as friends and asking her out might freak her out or something. The three of us have such an awesome friend dynamic I can’t imagine fucking that up.” At this point the girls had begun moving back toward us into the water so we very suspiciously played it cool.

Then nothing continued to happen.

II

As time wore on, my seemingly evergreen friendship with Tyra began to wither. Lavender and I had been spending more time together every now and then without Tyra. This made

Tyra upset even when there was no possible way she could have also come. One time she was in Roseburg with her grandma and Lavender and I went ice skating with her friend Trish.

I got a few texts from Tyra later that night.

I just feel like you’re getting closer to Lavender than I am.

She’s the one person I thought I’d never lose

And she’s been spending more and more time with other people

But that’s okay I guess

Have fun.

:)

I promptly ignored this and carried on with Trish and Lavender.

My relationship with Tyra only deteriorated from that point, after we found out that Lavender was moving to Arizona (which we’ll get back to in a moment) I was freaking out because one of my best friends (who I’d fallen in love with) was moving out of state so I texted Tyra looking for comfort:

Are we still gonna be friends when Lavender moves?

She replied:

I don’t know

At that point I was done. Which was apparently fine because Tyra then cut ties with all of our friends except Lavender. Claiming that she didn’t have any friends left at South, she began attending ECCO the next year.

III

Early in my junior year (Lavender’s sophomore year) she pulled me aside at lunch.

“Hey, Brennan, there’s something I need to tell you and it’s not good.” In my naïvité I was hoping that she was beating me to confessing feelings toward me or asking me out which I’d been weasling my way out of for months. I just recently found out that one night when I almost asked her out she apparently really wanted me to and I’m still regretting it.

“What is it?” I asked, presumption almost showing on my face.

“I’m moving to Arizona.” The world fell apart around me.

“Oof. Okay, then. We’ll just have to make this time good.” It was all I could think to say at the time and my voice was obviously turbulent.

What the next few months contained was mostly denial, but when the day came we were all ready.

We still talk on the phone all the time though. It’s often the best part of my week. One night

I’m talking on the phone with Lavender. The clock ran past midnight taking us with it like it often does on these nights and as it does Snapchat alerts me of a memory from one year ago.

“Oh!” I say, “Snapchat just gave me a memory from that night we did Mad Libs at Tyra’s house.”

That night, the Mad Libs night, I walked Lavender home. Just the two of us in the dark. Her house was about a two mile hike from Tyra’s house which was perfect because that was the night I’d finally ask her out.

The plan was to ask her when we got to this plateau where you can see all of Eugene and Springfield.

We stood there having a conversation even though we couldn’t find all the pieces to it.

Eventually, we said goodbye and walked away from each other. The whole way down I was calling myself a dumbass.

“Oh, yeah!” She said over the phone, “I like, really liked you back then.”

“That’s so weird… I almost asked you out that night.” I replied.

“I wish you had.” She said, leaving me feel even more like a dumbass that far down the line.

But through these calls I also learned that she’s moving back to Eugene in June and I’ll leave nothing to feel like a dumbass about this time.